We all have heard stories about bloopers that have appeared in church newsletters or were announced in church services. Enjoy the following which have been recycled for the ages:
The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals; The sermon this morning is “Jesus Walks on Water.” Tonight, the sermon is “Searching for Jesus”; Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping. Bring your husbands; The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility; The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door; Don’t let worry kill you off.
Let the church help; Miss Carlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation; Wednesday, the ladies literary society will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put Me in my Little Bed,” accompanied by the pastor.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married Oct. 24 at the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days; At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and hear our choir practice; Eight new choir robes are needed due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones; Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered; Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. — prayer and medication will follow; Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance; The associate minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday — “I’ve upped my pledge, up yours.” Do you believe this was unintentional?’
The following reportedly appeared in the Peace Lutheran Church newspaper, New London, Minn. (this is Lake Woebegone country): This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar; The Little Mothers Club will meet Thursday at 5 p.m. All those wishing to become little mothers, please join the minister in his study; Thursday evening, there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early; on Sunday, a special offering will be taken to defray the expenses of a new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, please come forward to get a piece of paper; The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the church will lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday; The ladies of the church will have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon; The rose bud on the altar is to announce the birth of David Alan Belser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belser.
Page 2 of 2 - Thank God for the ability to laugh at ourselves.
Roy Shaver writes a weekly column for the Daily News.