I took last week off for vacation. I am not sure I can really call it that. I ran some errands on Monday, was down Tuesday. Took my uncle to Kansas City on Wednesday, was gone ALL day, and then was down on Thursday and Friday. Felt okay Saturday so we had our turkey dinner and was down a bit on Sunday.
Back to work today and wondering where the vacation actually went. I am not sleeping again. During the week off I only slept one whole night. The other nights I was lucky to get up to 3 hours of sleep. I am exhausted!
So that is our topic today. Sleep, or rather the lack of sleep.
One of the symptoms of RA and Fibro is insomnia. It can be impossible to get to sleep and very difficult to remain asleep during flares, and even when a person is not having a flare. Yes, I take prescription sleeping pills, but obviously they do not work during a flare. Even after taking them, I was up all night. My body is not able to ‘reset’ itself without sleep and therefore unable to break the flare. I need sleep to allow my body the required time to calm the inflammation and repair what it is able to. This will be discussed at my next appointment. I have quite a list already made for January appointment, if I make it that long.
(I have to admit I took a beating to my attitude of this whole thing. I have to admit to myself that I am losing more ground.) I am not able to open a jar, I can’t just ‘run’ to the city for a day and be ready for anything the next day, I can’t even lift a skillet from the stove if it has something in it, and I am fighting depression over the things that I have lost in the last month, let alone the things I have lost since this disease started introducing itself to me.
Every one of us goes through steps of grief due to the ravages the disease inflects on our bodies. This isn’t a one-time process. This happens multiple times and becomes somewhat of a vicious cycle. Right at the moment I am coming out of denial into acceptance, which allows for the depression. I am trying to focus on the anger. That is when I will get that wild hair and fight with everything I have. If you pay close attention to my posts you will be able to determine each stage as I go through it.
I try to add quite a bit of personal impact in the posts so that you can get a feel for what I am going through, while at the same time not providing too much personal information that I lose all privacy. I hope you can understand that in today’s virtual world, I try not to mention family members and friends by name as that would compromise their privacy and I will not open them up to that at any time. This is MY story to tell. While they are all a part of the story, they are a separate part. While I didn’t sign up for the disease, they did not sign up for the publicity. They have enough to handle helping me get through a single day, sometimes even a single hour.
If you would like to contact me, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.