It's becoming more and more obvious I suffer from SADD (Seasonal Apologetic Disaster Disorder). I'm a Christmas season reject.
There was the briefest moment this year when I almost chose to disregard the entire holiday and not decorate one bit. I seriously considered getting one of those Christmas cactuses or little bitty evergreen trees and calling it good.
I freeze up at the thought of decorating. More honestly, I detest the mere thought of the cleaning up and packing up of all the little ornament boxes after the holiday. That being written, there is not one square inch left on our tree to place another ornament. I have several favorite ornaments, but they're things I would display throughout the year. Take the "tourist" flamingo, decked out in its tropical shirt and grass skirt. That's art at its finest. Who wouldn't want that shared through the year?
Maybe it's the season, but I've finally come to the realization that I'm a good stay-at-home mom now that the boys are eight months away from being adults.
Our youth group sponsored a cookie exchange this past weekend to raise funds for their annual mission trip. In a moment of temporary insanity, I promised our youth director that I would bake six dozen cookies.
Saturday afternoon I asked one of the twins to list his favorite cookies that I bake. He feigned a heart attack then amnesia, stumbling back across the kitchen.
"You can bake? That oven works?" he gasped "Seriously, I don't think I have a favorite I can't ever remember you making me cookies!"
This little speech was followed by the wiping away of imaginary tears.
I saw aspects of my life colliding; my inherent sarcastic nature now passed down to my offspring, slamming head first into countless years of sad, seasonal disasters.
I used this column to take the place of Christmas cards. I'm claiming Pinterest and my friends' posts on social networks to further wallow in my incompleteness.
Unfortunately the whole Elf on the Shelf movement had not blossomed when the twins were young. Toilet papering a tree or drawing reindeer ears on pictures is something I could get into each year. At the very least I could blame our elf for any holiday disaster.
Lori Marble writes a weekly column for the Daily News.