My poor math skills are well documented.
When the boys are discussing their geometry homework they like to toss out various terms and equations just to see my eyes roll in the back of my head and for my nervous twitch to re-emerge. Big Al especially likes to join in the statistics discussion because he knows that my "statistics" classroom experience was pretty weak and that I don't know my mean from my mode.
I have though, up until this week, had what I felt was a firm grasp on the basics, namely adding and subtracting. I can look at our sons and add one plus one. Each and every time I arrive at the number two. At dinnertime, I learned years ago that one plus one equals at least four. Anytime there is food involved I need to double my preparations.
That was then…this is now.
I make the Facebook recipe for Fred & Red's chili. Just let me add it's a pretty close match. The Marble men were hoping against hope that F & R would never close during their lifetime. Following last year's locking of the doors they were willing lab rats as I tried any and all recipe variations that began floating around.
So this past Sunday I felt that I had prepared an adequate amount of chili and requisite spaghetti to take care of four people. No. I had not.
Please note I had prepared six pounds of chili and enough spaghetti for 14. I'm confident about the spaghetti count because I have one of those circle measuring sticks that you can gauge the quantity of noodles prepared. I started with enough for eight.
The boys were first in line. I had my back to the kitchen counter when I heard one of them say, "Mom, how much spaghetti did you fix? Are you and dad not eating?"
I laughed and thought they were joking. No. The spaghetti was gone.
Another pot was prepared, this time with enough noodles for another six diners.
I've since come to accept that I was destined for a life where universally accepted laws of mathematics do not apply. I will forever dwell in a home where one plus one will add up to at least eight and often 14. And that's a fact.
Lori Marble writes a weekly column for the Daily News.