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Neosho Daily News - Neosho, MO
  • ROY SHAVER: You know you are from Missouri if…

  • Years ago, someone handed me a memo entitled “You Know You Are From Arkansas if….”
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  • Years ago, someone handed me a memo entitled "You Know You Are From Arkansas if…." The clues were not all complimentary. A similar list about Missouri is more restrained but not nearly as revealing. How many of these observations can you relate to?
    You know you are from Missouri if:
    • Everyone you know has been on a "float trip;"
    • "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun, or Six Flags;
    • You've seen all the biggest bands 10 years AFTER they were popular'
    • Down south to you means Arkansas;
    • You know several people who have hit a deer;
    • You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end;
    • You instinctively ask someone you've just met "What high school did you attend?"
    • You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day;
    • You know what's knee high by the Fourth of July, and;
    • You see people wear bib overalls to funerals.
    It's hard to generalize about Missouri. Some of these statements may apply to people in St. Louis or Kansas City, but not to the good folks of the Ozarks.
    You know you are from Missouri if:
    • You knew in your heart that Mizzou could beat Nebraska in football;
    • You end your sentences with a preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
    • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked;
    • You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should;
    • You went to skating parties as a kid;
    • You only own three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup;
    • You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie;
    • The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires three pages for sports;
    • You think I-44 is spelled "farty-far" (St. Louis only) and;
    • You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.
    As you read these, you may wonder who the H--- came up with this list.
    You know you are from Missouri if:
    • You think that deer season is a national holiday;
    • You know that Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City;
    • You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm;
    • You know which leaves make good toilet paper;
    • You've ever said "It's not the heat, it's the humidity";
    Page 2 of 2 - • You think a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor, and;
    • You know what "Home of the Throwed Roll" means.
    If you answered yes to most of these, you are probably a native.

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