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Neosho Daily News - Neosho, MO
  • Golden Globes: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's Best Jokes

  • Memo to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association: Please haveTina FeyandAmy Poehlerhost the Golden Globes forever. (For that matter, the Academy should take note as well.) The formerSaturdayNight Livecolleagues, hosting the Globes for the second year in a row, got the ...
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  • Memo to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association: Please have Tina Fey and Amy Poehlerhost the Golden Globes forever. (For that matter, the Academy should take note as well.) The former Saturday Night Live colleagues, hosting the Globes for the second year in a row, got the evening off to a rollicking start with an opening monologue that lampooned everyone fromTom Hanks to Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and kept the night on track with a couple of skits and one rock star makeout session.
    Golden Globes: See our complete coverage
    Here's a rundown of Fey and Poehler's best jokes:
    1. Fey on their repeat hosting gig: "This is Hollywood, and if something kind of works, they'll just keep doing it until everybody hates it."
    2. Poehler on the star power in the room, to Matt Damon: "On any other night, in any other room, you'd be a big deal ... but tonight -- and don't take this the wrong way -- you're basically a garbage person."
    3. Fey on August: Osage County: "Proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60."
    4. Fey on American Hustle: "The original title of that movie was Explosion at the Wig Factory."
    5. On Amy Poehler's nomination for Parks and Recreation: Tina: "I believe Amy is here tonight. Could we get a shot of her?" [Camera cuts to Jennifer Lawrence]. Amy: "Wow, radiant! It is hard to believe she's a 42-year-old mother of two." Tina: "I hear she's a little difficult to work with." Amy "Oh yeah, she's a total b----."
    Page 2 of 4 - 6. Knocking Julia Louis-Dreyfus for sitting "with the movie crowd": "Hi Julia, you know us from TV." Cut to Julia smoking an e-cigarette in sunglasses and shoving away Reese Witherspoon, who's trying to take a photo with her. Amy: "She has really changed." Tina: "She's gross." Later in the broadcast, Fey and Poehler called Louis-Dreyfus out for "slithering back over to the TV section," as the camera panned to the Veep star shoveling a hot dog into her mouth.
    7. Fey on Gravity: "It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age."
    8. Poehler on Best Supporting Actor Nominee Barkhad Abdi, who was working as a driver before he was cast in Captain Phillips: "Sleep with your limo driver tonight before he gets famous."
    9. Fey on Matthew McConaughey's role in Dallas Buyers Club: "He lost 45 pounds, or what actresses call 'being in a movie.'"
    10. Fey on The Wolf of Wall Street dropping the F-bomb 506 times in three hours:"Which is a new record, unless you count my dad trying to hang curtain rods in our living room."
    11. Poehler on Netflix's numerous nominations for House of Cards, Orange Is the New Black and Orphan Black: "Enjoy it while it lasts Netflix. You're not going to feel so smug in a few years when Snapchat is up here accepting the award for best drama."
    Page 3 of 4 - 12. Fey: "The Blacklist is who's invited to my room tonight. I'm talking to you, Somali pirates. I'm Captain now."
    13. Miss Golden Globe gag: While Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick were introducing their daughter Sosie as Miss Golden Globe, Fey rushed out from behind the stage. "In the name of gender equality this year, please welcome Mr. Golden Globe, my adult son from a previous relationship, Randy." Amy Poehler then emerged, dressed as a sullen young man in a suit. "Sosie? What are you, the Olympics?" he said to the younger Bacon. The duo later engaged in a brief debate about who Randy's father was, with "Randy" wandering out into the audience to pose the paternity question to Idris Elba and Harvey Weinstein.
    14. Amy Poehler winning Best Actress in a TV Comedy: When her name was announced as a nominee, Poehler was shown getting a motivational shoulder rub from Bono, whom she proceeded to make out with when she unexpectedly won. "This is so cliché, but you get really nervous," the clearly giddy and shocked sitcom star said during her acceptance speech. "I never win!"
    15. Fey slams Michael Bay: Tina Fey couldn't pass up an opportunity to knock Michael Bayawkwardly storming off stage when the TelePrompTer malfunctioned at the Consumer Electronics Show last week. When introducing Chris Evans and Uma Thurman, Fey ribbed: "Michael Bay describes our next presenters as ... 'Um ... uh ... sorry, I can't do this.'"
    16. Fey's introduction of Leonardo DiCaprio to present the award for Best Actress in a Dramatic Movie: "Like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio."
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